CHAPTER NINE - A Cocktail of Double Life

Stuck on you

Been a fool too long I guess it’s time for me to come on home

Guess I am on my way

So hard to see

That a woman like you could wait around for a man like me

Guess I am on my way

Mighty glad you stayed

                Lionel Richie

Three PM on a business slow Saturday at R&R.

Kamaria, busy cleaning, drying and hanging glasses, kept stealing more curious than concerned glances at Jamba. He had arrived an hour earlier, looking so rugged, she had been tempted to ask if he had taken a shower. He was fidgety; he kept rubbing his forehead and bald head. A couple of times she was sure she heard him click.  In the hour, he had walked outside three times to smoke.

“That’s it…” Kamaria declared, standing right across him with arms crossed. “What’s eating you?”

He looked surprised. “Have I been that obvious?”

“Are you asking? You mumbled your greetings, have hardly said anything after that; you have gone outside three times to smoke; your poor scalp is about to develop sores from all the rubbing you are giving it, and you are fidgety like hell…what’s your problem?”

He sighed, ignoring the beer in his glass and taking a gulp of beer straight from the bottle.

“My nanny gave me notice this morning. She is leaving us…”

Kamaria burst out with laughter. “Is that it? I thought someone died, gosh…” He glared at her. “Sorry,” she put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, I guess it must be bad to make you look like you slept on the streets…”

“You wouldn’t understand how confused I am…”

“I guess not…” Kamaria thought of Mariam who had been in her life for what felt like forever. The thought of not having her to organize her suddenly scared her. Even from this far, Mariam still organized her.

“Why is she quitting?” She asked with more compassion.

“She is getting married. I cannot believe she is leaving us…”

Kamaria forgot her resolve to be compassionate and giggled, gently tagging at his sleeve. “Don’t be silly. Should you not be happy for her, that she has found happiness in a man, which is more than some of us could say…” Jamba looked at her with a start. “Come on…Be happy for her. Give her an expensive send off gift and some heavy pension.”

In the last one week, she had realized with a measure of horror that she had slowly but surely become the aggressor. She did the quips, he would start to answer but end up chewing his words and literally swallow them. Mostly, he would give her a frustrated look before looking away. Slowly and surely also, the frequency of the quips had gone up.

“Sometimes you really confuse me…” he had recently told her with a pained expression after a taunt.

“I confuse myself too – I think we both better ignore me. It could be the hormones…”

That everything in her body and soul, except her common sense, desperately wanted more than they currently had was making her regret the finality of their last conversation. Too late, she had realized she had let emotions get better of her when she told him to stay away from her. Too late, she had appreciated the effort it had taken Jamba to come clean about his relationship with Rosa.

She had cast the die, and she did not know how to tell him she may have been too hasty.

Jamba had been faithfully doing his bit by looking nonchalant most of the time, but once in a while she caught a look and she knew he still wanted her, but the speed at which he would compose himself whenever she caught him told her he was too afraid to initiate anything.

He, however, was not the completely innocent party. What he had recently started actively doing was to deflect any male interest that looked like asking for a date instead of a beer.

Kamaria had initially found his behavior patronizing and had told him as much. ‘I have been fending off men for months, without your assistance.’ she snapped. ‘But they need to let you work…’ he shot back defiantly. ‘Like you do?’ She had demanded, rolling her eyes at him. ‘I do not need babysitting…’ But he had ignored her, over and over and continued interrupting her conversations with the men he did not like. ‘Remember I will be waiting for you at the car once you are done,’ was his favourite cock-blocker statement. ‘But what’s your problem?” ‘He is not good for you.’ He would hit back. ‘You do realize you are not my mother, and I am a grown up.’ She would admonish once in a while.

Back to now. “Don’t get me wrong. I am happy for her, but we have had Mary since Christine was born. She only goes off over the weekend and gets her annual leave in December. I get a day baby sitter for Saturday, but I am with them on Sundays and take my annual leave in December so I can be with them. I even take them to work when I need to. I don’t know how to look for a good nanny. I don’t know if I can trust anyone.”

“Have you asked your Saturday nanny if she could work full time?”

“She cannot. She already works full time for Sudi.”

“Try and get another one then. There are many good nannies out there, I am sure. Christine and Christian are old enough, not so vulnerable anymore.”

He sighed with resignation. “Now I know why women stop working to look after children. Can you believe that I actually considered that? The only problem is, I am the sole bread winner…”

“Finally, some respect for women.”

“Are you looking for a fight with me?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

She made a sign to zip her mouth.

“I came for pity not for lesson about women.”

“Sorry, wrong stop.” She said with a grin. “But you could do with a lesson on, you know, women.”

“I need a cigarette…” He growled. “Will you look after my drink, please?”

“You don’t have to ask, sir.” She said with a mock salute. He looked at her and shook his head before walking away. She looked at his disappearing figure and smiled.

She found joy and a strange kind of satisfaction in riling Jamba up. Jamba, she believed, was a borderline entitled individual. That she could get away with reminding him there were other ways except his way was a little victory for her. 

Besides, it was the only way to keep the conversation going, to steer off uncomfortable topics.

___________________

Once in a long while, Kamaria would have three days off work. Never during mid or end months when the pub was busy. She was due for such a break and was going to spend time in Kileleshwa.

At eight AM, she boarded a matatu to the city from Ruaka where Fumo picked her up, driving her straight to Kileleshwa. On the way, she called Mariam to make sure she was in the house. She was. 

“Ai, si I have missed you…” Mariam had declared on the phone.

“I miss you too Mariam. We have so much to talk about.”

Kamaria had not seen her housekeeper for seven months. When Mariam opened the door for her, she paused for a few seconds in shock before her hands went to her mouth to stifle a scream.

“What’s wrong?” Kamaria asked, looking behind her in alarm.

In answer, Mariam used her finger to point at Kamaria from head to toe, mouth moving but no words coming out.

“Ooh…you mean my weight? I know, it’s amazing, right? Thanks to your amazing food, I have shed all the unwanted weight…now, if you will excuse me, I would like to get into my house…”

Mariam shrieked with the realization she was blocking Kamaria, moving aside so fast, she hit the door.

It had taken Mariam ten minutes to recover her voice. As Kamaria sat in the kitchen with her as she made coffee, Mariam kept looking at her and shaking her head.

“Come on, what’s the problem? I can see you want to say something…”

“Ai…”

“Don’t ai ai me…don’t you like how I look?” Kamaria teased, making Mariam shake her head vigourously.

“No no…it’s just…you are…you have lost so much weight…you look hungry…”

Kamaria burst in prolonged laughter. She was the only one finding the joke because Mariam remained in shock.

“My dear, I can assure you I am not hungry. In fact, I have never felt better about myself…”

Sharing their beverages of choice relaxed Mariam. “On my side of life, losing weight like that means things are very bad for you financially, or you are dying of an incurable disease…”

Kamaria laughed again. “I can assure you I am still very rich. And I am not sick – not as far as I know…so, relax. In fact, the reason I needed you to be in is because I need us to go through my clothes. All of them. You can take whatever you want…”

Mariam splattered her coffee on the kitchen floor, eyes inflating like a balloon squeezing out of a hole. “Eh?...” She asked, rushing for a mop and dried the floor.

“I am serious. I do not need the clothes anymore – whatever you want, you can take it. That includes the shoes as well…”

“Eeee...mah, madam. Haki thank you…”

It took Kamaria two cups of coffee and half a glass of Amarula, and Mariam three cups of tea and one of coffee, and four hours between them to sort all the clothes. Mariam categorically refused to carry the short clothes, or the see through ones. Three suit cases of clothes was what she ended up with, and one suit case of shoes.

“Ai, madam. Haki thank you. Now I will get a good man…” Men, Kamaria thought, seemed to dictate every reason women did anything. Silently, she wished Mariam luck. The clothes had not succeeded in getting her a man but perhaps her housekeeper would have better luck. Mariam’s ex husband was a career drunk, often found in the trenches of the slums Kamaria moved her out of. He had left Mariam a single mother with twin girls

“Now where will I keep them?” She asked Kamaria, still in disbelief.

“You can leave some of them here if you like, until you find a place…also, I do not mind if you decide to sell some of them, or give them away to your friends. You do have a sister, don’t you?”

Mariam nodded, her eyes not leaving the suitcases.

“Go ahead and share with her…also, I need to give you some money so you can buy some clothes and shoes for your girls. We do not want them to feel left out when mommy is looking so smart…”

Kamaria had been saving all her salary from R&R. Not a single cent had been spent. Malik paid in cash, and she had never used any of it. Only last night she had arranged the money neatly. “Take it…take it and treat your girls.”

Mariam had slowly sunk to the floor and started crying.

That was her early morning. She was spending the late morning and early afternoon on herself. First, she went to a spa and spent two hours having a fresh haircut, manicure, pedicure and a quick massage.

Then she went to the mall to replace what she gave to Mariam. She planned to spend as much time as possible shopping as she waited for Shani to leave work. Their plan was to go out later. She was in the changing room, admiring how well the pair of jeans she was trying on fit, when her phone rang.

“Jamba, is everything okay?” She answered the call with alarm.

“Yes…well, not really. I need your help. Are you in Ruaka?”

“No, I am not. Why do you ask?”

“Damn. Where are you?”

“At a friend’s.” She could hardly tell him she was in a mall, shopping with intent to pay with a credit card that had no limit.

“Far from Ruaka?”

“Sort of. What is it you want?”

“Well, the nanny who took over seems to have bailed out after four days. The kids get home at four PM and I am in Nakuru. Unless I fly home, I will never make it…”

Why couldn’t he ask his relatives? She wanted to ask, but caught herself in time. He must have had a good reason. She would ask later, she decided.

“What do you want me to do?” She was holding another pair of jeans against her hips, looking at herself on the mirror, the phone cradled between the shoulder and the ear.

“I was hoping you could stay with them until I get back…”

That it was a lot to ask of her was her initial protest thought. But this was Christine and Christian. “Where do I pick them and where do I take them?”

“You will do that?”

“Of course I will. I catch a cab right now, I can make it.” Fumo was waiting for her at the parking lot.

“Perfect. I promise to refund the cab money when I return…” She nodded. “The school bus drops them outside the gate. Please go to my house, wait for them. Snack them too. They do their home work after shower – well, Christian is still too young for home work so he rides his bike. There is absolutely no television allowed. Then they will shower – there is no ready food because the nanny was supposed to prepare it. I could order the food for it to be delivered…”

“That’s not necessary. I may not be a world class chef but I can get by…”

“I don’t want to ask too much of you…”

“Jamba, you already have. You may as well go the whole nine yards. Really, I do not mind. If there are groceries, I will find something to make out of them…”

“Thank you.”

“Keys to the house?”

“The guard usually has a set. I will inform him.”

She paid for her clothes, called Shani to disappoint her. She arrived in Ruaka at three forty five PM, enough time to take the shopping bags to her house and still make it to Jamba’s in time.

“Welcome, madam…” The same guard she had tipped during the party was on duty. “Also thank you for the tip – my family had a lot of meat that day…” He was grinning from ear to ear. His grin was infectious, Kamaria grinned back. “Welcome…” He handed her the keys.

“Thank you. What’s your name?”

“Cyrus, madam.”

“Thank you Cyrus. I will wait for the children in the house…”

“Thank you, madam.”

She only had time to wash her hands, acquaint herself with the kitchen for five minutes, before she heard the door open.

“Surprise!” She said as Christine opened the door.  Christine screamed so hard, Kamaria was concerned she would faint. The two children hugged her legs for what seemed like forever. Christine was weeping.

“Serah! Are you our new nanny?” Christine asked expectantly.

“No sweetheart. I am only standing for the new nanny because she didn’t make it…”

“I don’t like the new nanny…” Christian said, his face dropping. Christine nodded in agreement.

“Why not?”

“She is always on the phone and keeps saying we are difficult when we ask for something. I hope she never comes back…”

“Ooh… I am so sorry about that. I am sure you are not difficult. Are you?”

“No we are not. Daddy says we must be obedient. We are.”

“I am sure you are. Daddy, I am sure, will get another nanny who is good to you…”

“Why can’t you be our nanny?”

“It’s complicated. Look, I need you two to wash your hands so you can have your snacks. What do you take after school?”

“Hot chocolate and biscuits. Or fruits.”

“Right. So do you want fruits or chocolate?”

“Fruits please…” Christine said, but Christian wanted chocolate.

“Alright. And after you are done with your shower, you can help me cook. What do you want to eat?”

“Fries! Christian shouted.

“On Thursdays we have rice…” Christine said.

Aha. So they had a food schedule. She looked around the kitchen and spotted it behind the kitchen door. “Okay… let’s pretend we do not know what day it is today. What would you like to have?”

“Fries and sausage and soda…” Christian was emphatic. Kamaria laughed.

“I want that too.”

“Okay.  We will compromise. I can make fries and sausages, but no soda. I do not want daddy to be upset with me. Now, run along. Wash your hands and let's get started. We have a busy evening ahead.”

And they were off.

_________________

When Jamba finally arrived at eight PM, he found the three of them in Christine’s bed, the children on each of Kamaria’s side, Christine clutching onto Atoti. Kamaria was sitting up, too afraid to move lest she woke them up. She was reading a book she had picked on the bookshelf. Jamba peeped through the door and smiled.

“There you are…” He whispered. He walked to the bed, kissed Christian first, went round and kissed Christine, then stretched himself and kissed Kamaria’s forehead. “Thank you.”

She smiled.

“Why are you all in the same bed?”

“They lied to me that they were scared…” She giggled.

“Spoilt spots. Okay, I need to carry Christian back to his room. Come on…”

As Jamba sorted the children, Kamaria went to the kitchen and took a seat on the small dining table. She was debating with herself on whether or not to heat his food, eventually deciding that would be too wifely. Fatigue had also suddenly hit her and the yawns were coming every ten seconds – she just wanted her bed. Nothing had prepared her on how tiring it was to look after an energetic pair of children. That she had also been afraid of making mistakes had raised her adrenaline levels, and she could now feel herself crashing. She had a new respect for people who had to deal with children on a daily basis.

Jamba walked in looking fresh in a pair of slacks and a tee shirt. “You are looking fresh…”

“I had a quick shower.” As he studied her from the door, “I don’t know how to thank you.” He finally said, walking to her and hugging her from behind. She stretched her hands at the back and pushed him away gently.

“I will think of a way, one day.” She pointed at the cooker. “I made fries, and sausages, and there is vegetable salad as well.”

“You made fries? Did they con you into making that? Thursdays they eat rice and chicken…”

She laughed. “I know. I allowed them to con me. I wanted them to relax, and it worked. Christine had a lot of fun helping me in the kitchen…”

“She’s never been in the kitchen…”

“She told me. What sort of a woman are you raising up?”

He laughed. “A diva.” He served his food, put it in the microwave, leaned on the counter and studied her again. “Thank you…”

“Overkill. You already thanked me, twice. I am starting to get embarrassed.”

“Sorry. I just don’t know what I would have done. They probably would have had to stay with the guard. My parents are away, my in laws are too far, and none of my relatives were available. That was a very scary moment, I can tell you that…”

“I am sorry. Glad I could help. Could you please finish your food, I need my bed right now…” She yawned and stretched.

“Do you have to go?” He was now sitting opposite her, holding her gaze.

“Yes I do, Jamba. Don’t even try. Besides, I do not have a change of clothes.”

He was convinced her had lost it when he considered suggesting his late wife’s clothes. Some of them were still in the closet.

“Okay. This is good food…”

She laughed. “Please. It’s fries. There is only one way of frying fries…”

“I have tasted fries that tasted like gravel. Take the compliment, woman.”

She shrugged. “If it makes you feel better. Thank you.”

“How much was the taxi fair?”

“Nothing. My friend brought me…”

He looked at her questioningly. “Man or woman?”

“What’s your problem? You should thank whatever gender it was for saving you money.” She had decided to tell him part truth of her transport to his house. She knew there was a possibility of the guard telling him that she was dropped off by a vehicle that looked like his. There were no double cabin taxis, as far as she knew.

“Okay, tell them thank you.” The jealousy that was choking him as he said those words, if it got an inch higher, he was would get a health condition as a result. He had no doubt a man had dropped her. What he was curious to know was if it was the same man who had sneaked her off on the day of the party? Could it be the same man who had dropped her home the day he waited for her outside her gate?

He made a note to self to ask his guard what make of car it was.

“When are you going back to work?” He asked in between chews.

“Why?” She asked, sipping her drink.

“Please tell me…”

“I have two more days off. Why do you want to know?” Kamaria was glad her thoughts were invisible, otherwise Jamba would have known she was hoping he wanted to ask her out on a date.

“Could you do this for me again tomorrow, and the day after, please…”

“But I thought you are expecting the nanny to return…”

“I don’t want her to return. She is unreliable.” Kamaria remembered what the children had told her about the nanny. She listened. “I have a busy two days ahead, I will not have time to interview another one. Please, I will pay for the time – unless you had plans with your friend…”

She glared at him. Just for that statement, she wanted to say no to his request. Then she remembered it was about Christine and Christian. “I do not have plans. I will do it.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Please carry a change of clothes so I do not have to take you home at night…”

Her immediate instinct was to protest, but it made sense that she slept there. “I have two spare bedrooms you can pick from. You will not have to wake up early, I always make breakfast for them, and I always drop them to school.…”

She felt a sudden surge of tenderness. He wasn’t so bad after all.

“Alright. I will be here tomorrow after lunch…”

“Thank you.”

As he chewed on his sausage and studied her, he wondered what his chances were of getting her into his bed within forty eight hours. A man, he thought, was allowed to hope, and dream, even when the possibility was pretty slim.

“I don’t trust your smile…” She declared, standing up, washing her glass at the sink. “Take me home before I realize what I am about to do.”

That got him leaving a piece of his sausage unfinished. The idea of her changing her mind was not one he was willing to contribute to.

_____

The look on the children’s faces when they walked through the door was something she could get used to. They shrieked, dropped their school bags and pretty soon they were having another group hug.

“How was school?” she enquired.

“Fine.” They answered simultaneously. “I thought I would never see you again…” Christine said.

“Why would you think that, Christine?” The girl had tears in her eyes.

“She is such a girl…” Christian, determined to stamp his position as a strong man, declared. “She cries all the time…”

Christine’s tears were now flowing and Kamaria suspected it was with the help of Christian’s words. She squatted and touched her cheek tenderly. “I cry too…” She told her softly.

“See…girls like crying.” Christian confirmed himself, walking out of the room.

“Crying is not that bad at all, but just once in a while. You don’t want to be labelled a cry baby, do you?”

She shook her head, wiping tears with her sweater sleeve.

“Besides, crying makes one less beautiful – now, give me a smile and show me how beautiful you are…”

She got a teary smile. “There. Now, off you go, wash your hands. Today, we are making ugali…”

“I hate ugali…”

“You will love my ugali. You just wait and see. Ugali, sukuma wiki and fish. The fish is marinated already, you can turn on the oven for me after your do your home work and shower. Deal?”

“Deal…”

At nine PM she heard Jamba’s car. The children had been asleep for an hour and she was watching television as she sat on the carpet. Because it was a very hot evening, she was wearing a pair of shorts and a sleeveless top.  When Jamba walked in, he found her sitting cross legged.

She turned to him and smiled.

He stopped dead.

“What are you trying to do to me, drive me mad? Do you even realize what a beautiful body you have had, what a pair of awesome legs you carry around? Why would you lead me into temptation, yet you sit there looking like Miss Innocent?” He did not say the words loudly, but his brain screamed them.

As Jamba was obsessing about her outfit, Kamaria was studying his. She had been too tired the night before to take in what he had been wearing, but seeing him in a suit and a tie reminded her of her managers at Sassi; almost unapproachable.

“Hi...” She called to him. “Are you okay? You look like you are in pain…”

Pain? Of course he was in pain. She was causing him pain all over.

“I am fine…just tired. How are you? How are the kids?”

“Everyone is fine. I read them a story – it was the only way to get out sleeping in the same bed again…”

He laughed, joining her on the floor and rubbing her back in greeting. He refused to hug her when she was half naked.

“I see you are learning the art of negotiation…”

“Comes with the job. There is food for you – I think I will go to bed now.”

“No, no please. Stay with me as I eat… I will have the quickest shower in history…”

“Do you always eat with your nanny?”

He laughed, imagining the kind of conversation he would have had with his previous nanny. “Of course not. For all the years Mary worked here, she never got used to me – often I felt like her enemy. She would disappear into the shadows whenever I made an appearance. I didn’t get it. Whenever I needed to talk to her, I would have to search almost under the bed…”

“Clever woman. I should have been like her…she must be good at reading men…”

“What do you mean? If I wasn’t so tired, I would give you this fight you have been craving for…I am a good man…” He protested weakly.

“Yeah…”

“Anyway, you are not just a nanny. You are my friend, before anything else…so, will you wait for me?”

She nodded.

Within fifteen minutes, he had showered and warmed his food, joining her on the floor.

“Christine hates ugali.”

“She ate my ugali…”

“No way! Without fuss?”

“Without fuss…”

“Gosh, that missy will do anything to impress you, including pretending to like ugali…”

“Or perhaps I just make good ugali…”

He nodded as he licked his fingers. “And sukuma wiki. And fish. I am impressed…”

“I can do more than open beer bottles, I will have you know…”

They both laughed, then went quiet.

Kamaria was loving this set up. It took her back to the days her parents were alive – the last time she had anything close to a family unit. For eight years, she had been on her own, or surrounded by workers, or with her friends. Mostly Shani. That she would be leaving the day after tomorrow was a double edged sword. She loved taking care of his children, even when they fought over imagined reasons. Perhaps, she had thought over and over, the one thing missing in her life was not romantic love, rather it was knowing that somebody could need, and trust her judgment fully, like the children were. To be needed, and not for financial reasons.

She loved this too – sitting on the carpet with Jamba and having friendly banter. The only thing missing was the cuddle she was craving, the same one she knew she would not be getting because that would mean giving him access to her, again.

She had not realized she was crying, until he asked her.

“Hey, why are you crying?”

“I am not…”

“I am not blind, by the way.” He placed his empty plate on the carpet and pulled her to him. “You are crying. Is it anything the kids did?” She shook her head. “Anything I did?” She shook her head. “Then cry it out. You can tell me what it is but if you don’t want to, that’s fine too. I will just hold you until you are done.”

And he did, in silence. He rocked her, like a baby, for five minutes.

She freed herself and sat next to him like before. “Better?”

“Yep.”

“Good. Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Don’t you have to work early tomorrow?”

“I don’t sleep very well anyway, and you can sleep in when kids and I leave in the morning. I often sit here and watch a movie until one AM.”

“Is that why you go to R&R a lot?”

“Yup. It’s lonely  here so I go there to look for company…but now that you are here…”

“Ha. Ha. I should charge you for that as well…”

“Go ahead. You would be worth every dime…so, movie?”

“Why not?”

“Right. I am going to get some couch blankets to cover up. It can get very cold here.” He was being half truthful. What he needed to do was cover her up because he did not trust himself with her half naked self.

When the movie started, they were sitting side by side. At some point during the movie, they started sharing a blanket in a half cuddle. Neither had memory of when the cuddle happened.

___________________

Kamaria was dreaming that she was narrating her life in the past two weeks to Shani, and Shani was upset with her and started knocking Kamaria’s head with her knuckles. She woke up with a start then realized the knocks were actually on the door, not her head.

Christine and Christian, wearing their blue and grey uniforms and matching school bags, stood by the door, Jamba towering behind them wearing a black suit and a smile. 

“Sorry we woke you up but they wanted to see you before we leave…”

She sat up lazily, rubbing her eyes. “Come here for a hug you two…have a lovely day and we will see you later.” She cleared her throat that was still clogged with lack of activity.

“Promise?” Christine was not taking chances.

“Cross my heart…”

They ran out, leaving their father staring at Kamaria. The silent conversation they were having involved the children. What were the two of them doing to the children? How would the children cope when in just twenty four hours Kamaria left? Were they both biting more than they could chew? What were the chances of making the current situation permanent?

“You are staring…” She finally said, stretching her arms. She was wearing a black silk night dress. Jamba averted his eyes, afraid of what would happen if she got a wardrobe malfunction.

He shook himself. “Sorry. See you in the evening…”

“Today is Friday – aren’t you going to the pub?”

He laughed. “My reasons to go to R&R changed the door you started working there. I go to the pub for you, not for the drinks…”

And he was gone.

Kamaria sunk back into the duvet and pulled it over her whole body. She willed for some sleep, but ten minutes of turning and tossing and near suffocation, she gave up and uncovered herself, staring at the ceiling in thought.

What was she supposed to do with herself until the children returned? She could not clean the house, there was a regular cleaner. She could not garden, it looked perfect. She could only read for so long. The day suddenly seemed so long, she experienced a minor anxiety attack.

Perhaps, she thought, she could visit her office. She liked to make impromptu appearances every now and then, and today seemed like a good day. She would ask Fumo to meet her farther down the road because she did not want the guard reporting that she had been picked up.

***

Sudi was sitting at the reception, waiting for his appointment time, as he went through a property magazine. A sudden disturbance that involved a strange silence and the girls at the reception making noise with their chairs as they stood up to near attention made him look up.

He saw her. He was so shocked, the magazine he was reading dropped on the floor, and he half stood up. He did not think, even for a second, that the woman who walked in, the one who reminded him of a scene in Devil Wears Prada, was Serah. He was shocked because he did not realize, until then, that it was possible for two people to resemble so much, unless they were identical twins.

He was looking at was a carbon copy of Serah, except in attitude and wardrobe. She looked like the epitome of a power woman, wearing a short grey suit and a matching expensive looking leather bag and heels. She did not see him because she did not look at the people waiting at the reception.

The girls at the reception were falling over each other as they called her madam, welcoming her, and straightening themselves up. The woman, with a smile, mumbled a good morning and disappeared into the offices inside. Sudi approached the receptionist.

“Excuse me…who is she?” He asked, pointing at the direction of the offices.

“Who? That madam? She is the main boss…”

“Really? What’s her name?”

“Miss Kamaria. Why do you want to know?”

Sudi smiled charmingly. He knew he could get away with the questions because the girl he was talking to had earlier agreed to go out for a coffee date with him. “Nothing, really. Nothing. I just thought she looks like someone I know…thank you. Don’t forget our coffee date…” He finished with a wink. The girl smiled shyly.

His mind was racing furiously as he sat back on the seat. Assuming big boss meant owner of the company, assuming she was Serah’s twin, why would she allow Serah to slave as a waitress? Unless she didn’t know about her – then it would be like those Nollywood story lines. What were the chances? He needed to call Jamba as soon as he was done with the meeting.

______________

“Sudi, what’s up?” Sudi was Jamba’s best friend, but Jamba could not think of a reason why he would call during working hours. They just didn’t talk at day time unless there was an emergency. His call found him as he walked out of a court room towards his car.

“Dude, does Serah have a sister?”

“No. Why?”

“I just saw her double. Height, colour, hair – except the one I saw is a blue chip company boss and she certainly doesn’t dress like Serah. Are you sure she doesn’t have a sister?”

“I am sure. She told me she is an only child. Orphaned. No extended family I know of, except the aunt living in the USA. Serah lives at her aunt’s place…”

“That was a weird experience, I tell you, man…unless I was seeing things. You need to see this girl, man…”

Jamba dismissed Sudi's narration as an extension of Sudi's obsession with Serah, that his mind was cloning every woman into Serah.

“Did you ask her name?”

“I did. I cannot remember it though. Kind of difficult name.”

“Perhaps you ask more about her next time you go there…”

“I will. That was so, so weird…”

Immediately he disconnected Sudi’s call, Jamba dialled Serah’s number. He didn’t make the call to check on her, but talking about her had made him miss her. She picked it on second ring. “Hi…how is it going?”

“It is going well…you?”

“It’s alright. Today is Friday and I finish work early. The kids do not have to wake up early tomorrow. I was thinking of buying a large size pizza for each of us and we can all watch PG 10 programs together…”

She laughed. “What a lovely thought, that one of watching PG10. Sounds great…” She was going to leave them tomorrow; she may as well have a farewell party.

“Where are you?”

“In a matatu. I had gone to my house, and I am heading back before the kids arrive.” It was a lie. She was seated on the back left of the Mobius, being driven back home to change back into her jeans and head back to Jamba’s house.

“Cool. See you later then.”

***

True to his promise, Jamba arrived home at five thirty PM carrying four boxes of large pizza.

“You were serious! When will we finish this?” She asked as she relieved him the four pizzas, placing them on the kitchen surface.

“Nobody sleeps until they finish their pizza…” He joked, trying not to stare at her skin tight clad body and a fitting top.

“By the time we are done, we will all be fat…”

“You could do with some fat…” He ducked a punch.

“Don’t you joke about my fat, after it has taken me over a year to get rid of…” She was worried about the eating habits in Jamba’s house. It was not unhealthy, but neither was it the strict diet she followed in her house. From experience, she knew it took very little to take her diet struggles downhill.

“You look amazing, fat or skinny…”

She blushed and put on the kettle. “Coffee? Tea?”

“Coffee will do…”

“Oh yeah. I hear you do not like tea…” She giggled.

“Good Lord, what have the little minxes been telling you?”

“A lot. Your dirty little secrets are safe with me though…”

“Daddy!” The kids found them in the kitchen. “Serah told us we can watch TV until late…”

“Correct. Serah is leaving us tomorrow and we are having a send off party…”

“Where is she going?” Christian demanded, stopping just before getting to Jamba.

“Why is she going?” Christine rephrased.

Kamaria watched; a lump building in her throat, so she kept herself busy by making the coffee.

“Children, I already told you that Serah has another job. She was only staying with us as a favor, because she is my friend. Tomorrow, you and I will interview another nanny, and you can pick the one you like…”

“I want Serah…”

“Serah is not a nanny…”

“Then marry her…” It was Christian. Even Kamaria stopped stirring the coffee to look at him in wonder. When did kids grow so much?

“What do you mean?” Jamba stuttered, looking at his son proudly but trying to look shocked.

“Marry her. That way, she will not be a nanny, but she will live with us…”

In spite of it, they all laughed. Even Christine was finding it funny.

“Where did you know about marriage, Christian?”

“I heard grandma and grandpa discuss it. I heard them say that if you had any sense you would marry Serah…”

“When did you hear that?”

“During the party, when Serah disappeared…”

“What the…” He put his hand on his eyes, more out of embarrassment than disappointment in his parents. He stole a glance at Serah. She was staring at Christian in shock. She seemed unable to move any part of her body. He needed to speak to his parents. Again.

“Look Chris, marriage is not that easy. You just do not get married because you want somebody to live with you…”

“What do you need to get married?” He was relentless.

“That’s beyond you. One day I will explain it, not now though. For now, I need you both to go get warm. It is going to be a long night, and we are having a competition on who will last longest.”

“Yay!” And they were off.

Kamaria was still frozen by the kitchen counter, studying some invisible particle on the spot where Christian had been standing as he made his case. Her legs crossed, hands crossed across her chest.

“Hey, are you okay?” He dared not approach her.

Slowly, she looked up, straight at him. “What. Was. That?”

He shook his head. “I have no idea. And it had nothing to do with me. I need to speak to my parents. They cannot go having such careless conversations in front of the kids…” He was desperate to exonerate himself.

“What are we going to do?” She seemed close to tears. He wondered what they were for.

“Stay…” At first, he said it in near whisper, like he was unsure he wanted her to hear it. When she looked at him, he repeated loudly and clearly. “Stay, please…”

“I don’t know, Jamba…this is getting very complicated.”

Jamba, taking hint from her not saying  no, gathered himself and took a step closer to her. “I know. But think about it. You seem to be happy taking care of the kids. That is the most important thing. My kids are having a time of their life and that to me is a gift from the gods. This is a friendlier working environment – no loud and uncouth drunks, or ungodly working hours. Also, I am spending more time at home, and I think that is my parents’ prayers being answered…”

She sighed. “You sell yourself so well. But there are the elephants in the room…”

“What might they be?”

“You really want me to spell it out for you?”

“I am feeling slow. Go ahead…”

She turned back to stir the coffee. “Alright. One, there is us…”

“What about us?”

“You really are slow…okay. You me, sexual attraction or whatever you want to call it. Immature attraction, I would say because I have no intention of doing anything about it, just so you know.”

Was she trying too hard to sound strict about it, or was he undermining her? He shrugged.

“It could turn very awkward. Unless I can be sure that you are not going to try anything, I cannot consider staying…”

He thought about it as he made strange faces. “I am not making any promises I may break on day one, sorry. The truth is, I would take you here and now, if you let me. But, I can give you one assurance – I will keep trying, until the day you let me take you. I will promise never to force you into anything. I will promise to respect you. I will promise to lust after you…”

“Stop… this is serious…” She slapped him slightly.

“So am I. I think I would have to be a lesser man if I didn’t want you. I am being honest…but like I said, you take the lead…”

“Okay…”

“So you will stay?”

“Not so fast. Rosa?”

He choked on his saliva. “What about her?”

“Are you still seeing her?”

“What does it matter?” He was being defensive, and he could not face her.

“That’s a yes. Here is the deal. If I stay, and I realize this is your house and you are technically allowed to do whatever you want, you will not bring her here, or any other woman of sexual interest for that matter…” She stared at him, daring him to refuse.

Instead, he burst out laughing. “Next you are going to demand that I should ask you for permission to have sex…”

“Actually, no. I don’t care. You can have sex whenever and wherever you want, just not here. At least not when I am around…”

He was still laughing. “Well, that is easy. The thing is, you are the only woman of sexual interest that has ever come to my house since my wife died – not that it is doing me much good…”

“I am? Rosa has never come here?”

“If you are talking about the birthday, she was technically outside the house, not inside…”

She giggled. “You are a typical lawyer. Technicalities are your forte.”

“So, is that a yes?”

“Not so fast.”

He raised his hands in frustration. “More demands?”

“Just money demands. What are you going to pay me?”

He laughed in relief. “How much do you want to be paid?”

She had no clue what nannies in this part of the world got paid. Mariam, the only point of reference she had, was not a nanny. Mariam, even by her own admission, was overpaid. She would have to talk to Mariam and ask the going rate, then perhaps inflate the amount by double.  

“Let me think about it over the weekend. Tomorrow, I am working. Sunday too. Let me see if I want to stop working there, or how much I want you to pay me…”

“You mean after all those demands you still have not made up your mind?”

“No, I haven’t. Take it or leave it.”

He both loved and hated the faith she had in herself. He did not ask for permission to hug her, he just pulled her to him and gave her a long hug.

***

Last night, as Kamaria sat on the floor sandwiched by Jamba and his children, she had fought to suppress her all over the place nerves. She had made a decision to stay with them, but she would wait for a few days before telling Jamba. She had agreed to stay for selfish reasons, that she desperately wanted to be part of this family. She wanted to sit with them on the carpet and watch animated movies and giggle along and eat junk. But she needed to speak to Malik and ask for his opinion. Two, speak to Shani who would definitely have a good reason to call for some sort of a spiritual intervention.

Saturday at nine AM, they all got in the car and took her to work. The three of them waved bye as she disappeared inside R&R. Jamba had asked if she would be coming to his house, she had said no. That she needed to think without the influence of any of them, or their comforting presence.

During her lunch break, she knocked on Malik’s door. “Serah, come in.”

“Thank you…” She carefully perched on the plastic seat, careful not to make the farting sounds and looked around the disorganized office. She would miss the chaos. “Will you ever sort your office?” She asked fondly.

“No chance – I would need forty hours in a day to do that. I made peace with the fact that I do not possess a neat gene, and that there are too few hours in a day. I am always three days behind with the stocks...”

“Why don’t you let somebody help you?”

“Because nobody will understand this madness but me…”

“I bet Wanjala would, if you taught him how…” She pressed.

He took a break from looking at the papers and looked at her. “What is it? Why are my papers bothering you?” He sounded hurt.

She laughed. “Because obviously somebody needs to be bothered on your behalf…have you ever taught anyone how to do it?”

“Not really. I cannot afford an accountant…”

“…You do not have to hire one. Ask Wanjala. Show him how to, pay him a little extra then he can spend one or two hours extra helping you…”

“Mmmh…” He looked thoughtful. “You have a  point…”

“Of course I do.” She adjusted herself to lean on the table, the seat making just the very sound she had been avoiding. “Wanjala is very good at stuff, and organized. You could do with the help. He could do with the money…”

“Why Wanjala, and not you?”

She sat back. “Well…that is why I am here…”

He sat up straight. “Coffee?”

“Yes please…thank you.”

“So, what are you looking all nervous about?”

She shifted on the seat. “I need to quit…”

He lifted his brow, peering at her above the glasses. “Is this de ja vu? I am so sure I have heard that before…”

She laughed. “I am serious…”

“You found a job?”

She shrugged. “Sort of…”

“What do you mean, sort of?”

“Well, I found a job as a nanny…”

He burst out laughing. “Jamba finally did it…”

“I don’t understand…”

“Oh, sorry. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this but it’s too late. Some time back, he asked me if I could ask you to be his nanny. I told him it was his job, not mine, to ask you. He was afraid you would say no…anyway, are you sure?”

She shook her head. “I am not sure, but I have been with them the last three days, it wasn’t bad, at all.”

“When do you want to start?”

“As soon as you find a replacement for me…”

“You really are an awesome girl. I hate to let you go but I know being a bartender is not going to take you anywhere…can I be so daring and ask if you two are lovers?”

She shook her head emphatically. “No, we are not.”

He did not look convinced. “I hope it works out for you, really, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back to work here – between you, Wanjala and I, we can sort these devil papers.” He laughed. “Also, ask Jamba to get you a job that befits you…”

Often, she forgot she was supposed to be searching for a job. She also knew if she were, Jamba would be the last person she would give her CV to because then, he would know that her name was not Serah. For now, she would have to push the lie a little further.

“I have a favor to ask…”

“Ask away…”

“My salary…”

“…You need it now?”

“Oh no, not at all. I want you to divide it between Kendi and Mwikali. Please do not tell them it is from me…”

Malik sat up straight, staring at her in utter shock. “You are giving all your salary away? Why?”

She shrugged. “They both need it more than I do…”

He studied her in silence for a whole minute. She was leaving, and he still had not worked out what it was about her – that thing he could not pin point. It was very disturbing. And now, her parting shot had just made things worse. Who in the world gave away a whole month’s salary, just like that?

He finally sighed. “Okay. I will do that. And all the best with Jamba. Remember, you can come back if things do not work out…”

***

Kamaria called Wanjala to ask him to report a little early for his shift. 

“Oh, thank you for coming early. I want to talk to you…”

“Why, is there a problem?”

“No. But I wanted to be the one to tell you that very soon, I am leaving…”

“Whoah… is this another false alarm?”

She laughed. She clearly did not have a very good reputation for decision making. “It is for real. I am gonna miss you, and one day I will return as a customer.”

“I can’t wait to serve you…”

“Wanjala,” she said seriously. “There is this group of people I know. I know them because they helped me. They look for needy cases and take care of school fees for their children. Would you like me to forward your name to them?”

Wanjala gasped. “What’s the catch?” He asked suspiciously.

“What do you mean?” She blinked in confusion.

“Well, my dear, I am a skeptic, for a good reason too. I suppose like every Kenyan. Who does things like that for free? Surely there is a catch…”

She was still learning about how things worked on the other side. Today’s lesson was, even charity was accepted with a tinge skeptism.

“I don’t think there is a catch. It is a group of philanthropic friends. They got together and pool money for charity. If they pick your case, you will never have to worry about school fees, or uniform, until the end of education of your children. I am a beneficiary and see.” She spread her hands and turned round. “I am still alive, uneaten, and all my body parts still intact…” She smiled in encouragement.

“There are people who can actually do that?”

“Yes. Come on, what’s there to lose?”

“Yes, what’s there to lose? I could certainly do with some help in that department, then perhaps I can use that money to invest in something…gosh, can that really happen?”

She nodded, smiling encouragingly.

“How do I forward my name?”

***

Kamaria and Shani were talking loudly enough to match everybody around them. They were in a night club. Loud music. Loud people. Once again, Kamaria found herself comparing it with the calm atmosphere of R&R.

Merry makers were drinking, dancing and criss-crossing the floor, bringing an image of disturbed ants to her mind. At R&R, the patrons only had one purpose – to drink. They sat, and they drank, they spoke in low tones. They staggered slowly to the toilets, or home. A random drunk would once in a while start dancing without co-ordination, other patrons would look on with amused boredom. The Wednesday live band sometimes made people dance, but that was often done while seated.

This semi-dark lounge, and many others around the area, were an advanced world away. Many patrons wore lit headphones – from a drunk person’s point of literal view, they looked like multi-coloured fire ants. Kamaria hated the headphones. Going to a social place and covering ears with huge headphones was, in her opinion, antisocial. 

The gender balance was also different. At R&R, the ratio of men to women was 9:1 – often 9:0. Here, it was raining women. And they were all elegantly dressed, a far cry from the token women who turned up at the pub dressed in jeans and sneakers. The lounge was also about keeping up appearances. Whenever she looked at the price of drinks and compared them with the R&R price list, she practically cringed.  The price of one bottle of beer at the lounge was worth three bottles at R&R.

Kamaria and Shani were seated next to each other on white questionable leather sofas, having cocktails.

“So,” Shani said, leaning close to Kamaria. “You were telling me you changed jobs?”

“Uh…huh”.

“I want to ask you why you cannot just work at your company, but I will ask you, what job did you change to?”

“Nanny…” Kamaria answered quickly, picking her cocktail glass and pulling hard on the straw.

“Say what?” Shani, cupping her ear and turning it to Kamaria.

“Nanny, I said.” She dared to look at her friend. She needed to witness the disbelief.

“Oh. My. God!” She collapsed  herself back on the sofa, holding her forehead. “I think I may need first aid! Are you crazy?” She was now sitting up, glaring at her friend and shaking her lightly.

“It’s not so bad…”

“Yeah, you are crazy. So, Kamaria is looking after people’s children? Diapers and all…”

“Nothing like that. They are school going children…”

“Well, it doesn’t make it better. Nanny?” She called a waiter and ordered for more cocktails. “I need to get so drunk…Kamaria, why? Why are you degrading yourself like that? Are you by any chance trying to punish yourself?”

She thought about that. “I am not. I am just trying to do something different. I can’t explain it, Shani. I just can’t. But I cannot remember being so happy. You may think it is degrading, I see it differently. I am finding myself…”

“Who says you were lost? Do you know how many people would sell their liver to have the kind of money you do?”

“I am aware of all that and trust me, I love the fact that I am rich. Being rich gives me the freedom to do crazy things, like working as a waitress and a nanny…”

“…Some people do that for a living, you know.”

“Agreed, but it is not exclusive to poor people, is it?”

“But why would a rich person want to do that? What sort of salary is that anyway?”

“Negligible. I am giving it all away anyway. But one thing I now know, money doesn’t give you happiness…”

“I am happy…”

“Because of the money, or because of what is happening in your life? Shani, you need to try and see things from my point. I was not even eighteen when I was left alone, barely an adult. Left without a single parent, or sibling. Left with wealth I didn’t know how to control. Left with power and money that turns me into a demigod and scares people off. I cannot find a good man because they all want my money – the ones who don’t, it becomes a competition of egos. I am, no, I was miserable, and I either had to do something drastic, or I was definitely going to lose my mind…”

Shani hugged her friend. “I am sorry. It’s just hard to accept the things you are having to do. It would make your parents so sad…”

Kamaria shook her head. “I think they would be proud of me, that I have the courage to try something out of the box. I know they would. Listen, I haven’t told you that the kids I am looking after belong to Jamba, the guy I am in love with…”

“Oh dear… I can’t take this.” She released Kamaria from the hug and sat back.

“It’s not what you think. I am just going to live with them – I slept there for two days, it was awesome. Warm, loving, a lot of laughter, and it felt nice being needed, and not for the money. Does that make sense to you?”

Shani shook her head. “No, but it’s not my decision so it doesn’t have to make sense.”

“I am happy. I don’t even know if it will work – I realize I may be making the worst mistake of my life, but at least I will have tried. If I live with that family for just a week, and I feel the way I felt those couple of days, it would all be worth it.”

“What’s the arrangement between you and this Jamba dude? Are you going to be having sex?”

Kamaria laughed. “No, unfortunately…”

“Unfortunately?”

“Unfortunately, yes. I would like to, he would certainly like to, but it’s too complicated and I don’t think I want to have sex in the midst of complications. There is a silent agreement that it will not happen. Not soon, anyway…”

“Is he having sex with someone else?”

Kamaria nodded, pulling on her straw.

“You are okay with that?”

Kamaria shook her head. “No. But I am also pragmatic.  He is a grown ass man with needs; needs I cannot provide for at the moment. Let him shag away. It’s not like I am a virgin…”

“Weird. Just totally weird. Girl, I hope you find your Nirvana. I really do. I hate to see you sad, I hate to see you do crazy things looking for happiness, but I understand that you need to look for it your way. You do know I will always be here for you, whenever you need me…”

“I know. And I love you girl…”

Shani lifted her cocktail glass, and they clicked. “Here is to real happiness…”

Story by Ciku Kimani-Mwaniki
Personal guinea pigs: Nyambura Michuki, Ceh Gichimu, Rachel Gathoni, Carole Shiku